Saved By The Doctor (BWWM Romance) Page 7

  “Hello, good morning, Ms. Brown. This is your wake-up call.”

  It was Victoria's much-too-excited voice on the other end of the line. “Hi, girl. Didn't anyone ever teach you that calling before 10 AM is just bad manners?” she replied as she swung her feet over the side of her bed and made her way to her closet to try to find something to wear.

  “Well, since you were supposed to be up almost an hour ago, this instance hardly qualifies,” she replied in a mock, matter-of-fact voice.

  Jackie continued to sift through her clothes; the weather was reaching that awkward period in the year where it was not quite warm enough, or cold enough, for anything in her closet. In the end, she settled with black pants, red pointed flats and a long sweater. “Victoria, I'm gonna be just fine. Her grandmother is at home making tea, she probably wants me to come as late as possible,” she replied.

  Victoria scoffed. “She asked for a weekend alone with Laila. I don't think that's what she's thinking at all,” she replied.

  Jackie shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you're right,” she replied as she put the phone on speaker and began to strip.

  “So, what are you gonna do with your weekend of freedom?” Victoria asked.

  Jackie furrowed her brow. “Hang out with Allan?” she replied, as if the answer was obvious.

  “So, you told him how you feel about him?” Victoria asked.

  Jackie glowered at the phone, confused as to why she was asking so many stupid questions. “He knows how I feel about him.”

  “So, you told him you love him...”

  Jackie froze. That phrase had been sitting in the back of her mind for the past two weeks... ever since he had spoken it to her that afternoon on the roof. She knew the ball was in her court. She knew she had to say something, or do something quick, or else it could all fizzle out. But, at the same time, she felt compelled to hold back. “I don't know how to tell him.”

  Victoria scoffed. “What do you mean, you don't know how to tell him? Honey, you just say the words, it's not that hard.”

  “Yeah, well it is for me.” Jackie replied in a loud voice. She had no idea how emotional she sounded until she could hear her voice echoing off the walls.

  There was a deep pause before... “I know, honey. I know.”

  “So, what do you want me to do about it? I can't just blurt it out randomly.” Jackie kept talking, hoping that she could somehow smooth over her outburst.

  “Yes you can!” Victoria giggled. “I mean, that's what he did!” she cried.

  Jackie shook her head. “No, it wasn't like that. It was smooth and well-thought out and romantic. Everything he does comes out smooth and romantic. How can I match that?” she replied.

  “Stop trying to match it and just be yourself.”

  Jackie gulped. There it was again: just be yourself. She should have that tattooed on her forehead for how many times people continued to tell her to “just be yourself.” The problem was that she was being herself. She was never not herself. Every decision she made, every word that came out of her mouth, or didn't come out of her mouth, was unapologetically her. So what was this business about being herself? Was it that people couldn't accept her in her mysterious ways? Or was it that she had completely forgotten what it was to open up in the first place? It scared her that she didn't even know the answer to that question. “What would you have me do?” she muttered.

  “Stop asking questions and just do what's natural,” Victoria replied.

  Jackie's face fell as she realized something. “See, that's just it. That's all I have been doing all along and all of you people keep telling me that it's not right.”

  Victoria had nothing to say to this.

  Jackie slipped her shirt on then took the phone off of speaker, pressing it against her ear. “Look, I have to go drop my daughter off and get some painting done before Allan comes over.”

  Victoria knew not to argue. “All right, fine. You go do that,” she replied. By the time she was hanging up the phone, Jackie had put her phone down and was on her way to wake Laila up.

  “I love you, Allan,” she murmured to herself. It wasn't a lie. If it was so easy for her to admit it to herself; to Victoria even, what was stopping her from admitting it to Allan himself?

  “I love you, Allan,” she repeated as she started the much-too-long journey up her staircase to Laila's part of the house.

  “I love you-...” but the sight of Laila sitting fully dressed on her bed stopped Jackie in her tracks. She usually slept in and required an entire swat team to get up in the morning. It was strange to find her just sitting there at 9 in the morning like it was 3 in the afternoon. “Did you pack your bag?” she asked.

  Laila jumped off of the bed at the sound of her voice and dragged her black and pink baby suitcase out from under her bed. “Uh-huh!” she replied with more excitement than Jackie had seen all week.

  Jackie shrugged. “Well I'll be damned,” she replied as she knelt down to inspect it. “Now, promise me you'll be good for you grandparents.”

  When Jackie had checked her bag and could see that Laila was nodding in her peripherals, she stood. “Well, let me just go grab my purse and I'll drop you off.” But as she was hastily packing her small purse, checking for her metro cards, taking a couple of granola bars for good measure, strapping on her sandals, and dragging Laila out the door, all she could think about was how much she loved Allan, and how impossible it was for her to say it to his face.

  ***

  “Jackie.” Jackie looked up to find her mother, father and daughter staring at her with that identical look of confused pity.

  “Yes?” Jackie replied as she took a sip of the tea her parents had made her stay to drink. She never liked hanging around her parents' house for too long because it just reminded her of when they moved in, which was only because she had started going to NYU. Thinking about that made her think about dropping out of college and all the ups and downs she faced there.

  “What is it that's bothering you?” her mother asked.

  Jackie shrugged. She could already feel that anxious tug in the back of her mind. It was time to get out. “Nothing much really. I just need to get back home,” she replied, but before her parents could protest her leaving, she was already planting a goodbye kiss on Laila's forehead and reminding her to take her vitamin C.

  She got back and spent the few hours before Allan's arrival staring at her unfinished painting of him. He had been waiting to see it ever since she started it, but she couldn't bring herself to fill in the lines and shadows. It was like she was sealing her own future with him and that was the scariest thing of all. So she started another painting, inspired by the image of Laila sitting on her bed, waiting patiently for her to inspect her luggage. By the time she was half way done with it and the fumes of paint were starting to go to her head, she heard the fateful buzzing sound of Allan's arrival.

  Exactly three minutes later, she was standing in her living room, staring at his perfect, black fall pea coat. “I'm going to have to steal this from you,” she said as she picked it up and lifted it to her nose, taking a generous whiff of it.

  He came up behind her, wrapping his hands around her waist and drawing her ever closer to him. “I can't believe you say such things,” he murmured as he planted a kiss on her neck.

  Jackie bit her lip. That small touch was enough to send her into a sexual frenzy. She already wanted him and he hadn't even cooked the steaks he brought for the two of them yet. “Well, believe it because it's already happened,” she replied as he continued to lay kisses down the length of her taut neck.

  She sucked in a deep breath. “That feels so good,” she murmured. Beyond that, she could think of nothing else. A long sigh slipped out of her mouth as he sucked on her, small bruises forming on her olive skin. His hands began to explore her torso, his right hand finding its way to her chest where it hovered, her nipple slipping in between his fingers.

  She bit her lip, her hands reaching behind her for something to
hold on to. She settled for his legs where she clutched to the meat on his thighs, wanting nothing more than to completely consume him. As he rocked himself against her, pressing his body into hers, she could feel his hard bulge, pressing through his pants and begging to be let free. He slipped his hands under her shirt, following the waves of her body until he got to the hard under-wire of her bra, jabbing into her ribs, just before he squeezed her there, a sigh slipping from between her lips as if he had set it free himself. “Oh how glorious it is to be alone with you like this,” he whispered, his breath brushing over the hot skin on her cheek. He kissed her there, his lips lifting her cheek as his tongue rubbed against it. He licked her like she was his favorite piece of meat.

  “Oh how beautiful you are when you talk like that,” Jackie replied as she let go of him, falling over towards the couch. She threw her hands in front of her to catch her fall.

  Allan grunted at that, but did not hesitate. He slipped his hands up her skirt and ripped her panties down. They climbed down her legs, hanging around her ankles like cotton seaweed. She gasped as Allan's hand found its way up her thighs and inside of her. He ripped it in and out, grabbing her by her womanhood and taking her pleasure completely into his own hands.

  Jackie clutched at the couch, her nails leaving runs in the fabric. “Oh my God,” she breathed as she felt his lips on her skin. He licked her and kissed her and sucked her until she could do nothing but curl her toes in ecstasy. Sounds escaped from her lips that she didn't even knew she could make. But, in the next moment, she could feel the bare skin of his legs against hers... and something went really wrong.

  Her jaw swung open, pressing past the natural confines. Her diaphragm contracted so hard she thought her heart would press right out of her over extended mouth then released, sucking at all of the air in the room, but bringing in none of it. Allan's member was slapping against her, hard and taut as a tight rope and deadly as a sword, demanding more from her than she was willing to give.

  She could no longer breathe... or see as her vision had grown blurry and had a red tint to it. She didn't know how to stop it; couldn't even bring herself to speak. Her more logical self kept telling her that she was safe; that this touch was Allan's and Allan's alone; that it was the touch of a man that loved her; that would sooner kill himself than cause her any kind of harm.

  So why did she feel like she was being burnt with dry ice?

  Her answer came before she was ready for it. Like magic, a splitting headache paralyzed her. She squeezed her eyes shut to try to get rid of it, but when she opened them again, she was not in her living room, holding on to the couch for support, but pressed against a brick wall in a dark alley way. She felt herself swaying back and forth, as, just like clockwork, her chest finally released and she sucked in the most generous of breaths, releasing it like a howl in the night.

  Her heart jammed against her ribs, begging to be set free, but it was trapped, just like her. She could no longer hold herself up anymore and thus collapsed onto the cushions. Allan's wood disappeared quicker than it came.

  “Jackie!” he screamed as he grabbed both of her shoulders and forced her to look at him.

  But Jackie could not find his sharp blue eyes in the darkness that surrounded her. His face had disappeared, been replaced by that of an anonymous man who took away everything from her, but gave her Laila in its stead.

  “Jackie!” Allan had mounted her and taken her head in both of his hands. “Look at me, Jackie! I'm right here.”

  Jackie had fallen back into the present. Her eyes opened wide and she could finally see Allan staring down at her, his perfect face bearing the most awful expression of complete confusion and fear. “I can't-” she started, but that was all she could get out, before the tears began to drown her. Her head collapsed onto Allan's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her.

  “What I did I do wrong?” he asked.

  But Jackie couldn't bring herself to tell him what had happened to her; she couldn't bring herself to admit that she was more damaged than any perfect specimen he had ever dated in the past. She couldn't bring herself to admit to her past; to inherit it; to acknowledge it. So she just sat there in Allan's arms and cried. “You touched me,” she finally whispered.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jackie woke up in her own bed the next morning. The sun was streaming through the window, just like it did on any other morning but the dirty taste in her mouth told her that something terribly embarrassing had happened the night before. She ran her hands through her tangled heap of hair as anxiety bubbled in the pit of her stomach, threatening to take over her, but one glance to her right told her that Allan was still there. She released a sigh of relief. As long as he was still there, everything would be okay. She sat up, looking down at the oversized shirt and short combination that Allan chose to put on her after he had gotten her to calm down enough to go to bed with him. Something about the thought of him choosing the least sexy thing in her drawer to drape her in made her want to laugh uncontrollably.

  The sound of her giggling echoing off of the wide, sun-kissed walls woke Allan up. A tired smile played at the edges of her lips as she felt the mattress stir with his movement. In the next moment he had sat up and put his arms around her. “Good morning, beautiful.” The sensation of him kissing her shoulder set off that flair of anxiety all over again.

  She swung her legs over the side of the bed and scurried to the kitchen. “I'm gonna go make coffee!” she yelled as she turned the corner.

  “What?” she heard him yell back.

  But she couldn't bring herself to repeat what she had already said to him. Once she was in the relative safety of the empty kitchen and it became apparent that Allan was not going to follow her inside, she calmed down a little. Once she started a pot of coffee brewing, she disappeared into the small guest half-bath next to the coat closet. As soon as the door shut behind her, she dialed Victoria's number and pressed the phone to her ear, impatiently listening to the sound of the phone ringing.

  “Hello?”

  Jackie's heart stopped. “I fucked up.”

  Victoria released a deep sigh. “Don't tell me he's already gone,” she replied in a disappointed voice.

  Jackie shook her head then, realizing Victoria couldn't actually see her, continued with, “No. he's in bed, waiting for me to make coffee.”

  “He didn't offer to make you coffee?” she demanded.

  Jackie rolled her eyes. If only Victoria knew. “No, but considering what happened last night, he's got a free coffee card for the rest of his life.”

  “Oh my God. Jackie, what happened? What did you do?”

  Jackie pressed her back against the door, just to make sure no one could get in then hissed, “I started crying during sex.”

  There was a loaded pause, then, “You did what?”

  Jackie gulped. “Okay, let me clarify.”

  “Oh please do,” Victoria retorted.

  “It wasn't necessarily during sex. We were making out and he was giving me head... and just when he was about to enter me, I don't know what happened. I just freaked out,” she replied.

  Victoria just sighed again. “Wait, Jackie...” she started in a severe voice.

  But Jackie was becoming extremely impatient. “I don't need to remind you that now is not the time for judgment, do I?” she snapped.

  Victoria released a dark chuckle. “God, Jackie. We're getting too old for you to keep asking me that dumb question.”

  Jackie couldn't help but laugh a little herself. “Okay fine. What were you going to ask?” she continued.

  “Have you had sex since the.... the incident?” she asked.

  Jackie felt as if someone had picked her up and placed her on a soapbox in the center of a room packed with people. Blood rushed to her face and a lump formed itself in the base of her throat. “I...” she started, looking for some kind of excuse for the terrible answer she was about to give. There was none. “No.”

  Victoria gulped. “I ca
n't believe this is happening right now. I can't believe you went abstinent and I didn't even notice,” she replied.

  “It's a lot different now,” Jackie replied. “Don't beat yourself up about it.”

  “This isn't about me,” Victoria hastily replied. “You realize you're like a damaged virgin right now right? Having sex with him is going to be incredibly difficult for you.”

  Jackie scoffed. “Yeah, I mean, I figured that part out all on my own,” she replied.

  “Jackie, you're going to have to tell him what happened to you.”

  “But-”

  “No.” Victoria's voice held more conviction in it than it had in a while. “You cannot keep hiding yourself from him and expect to stay in this relationship like this. At some point it's going to blow up in your face and scare the amazing Dr. Chase away. You can't lose another person because you're afraid of them.”